Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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