if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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