She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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