I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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