Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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