Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
