meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
