I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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