Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
