She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
