ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
