He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
