I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
