Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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