did you get engaged???
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
