so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
