I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm really busy with my period
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