i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
