sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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