it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
