it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
