Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Barsexuality is the new black.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
