I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
