i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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