Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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