I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
