I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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