...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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