Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
