Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
