You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
