I should be sponsored by Trojan
even my farts smell like vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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