yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
