i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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