i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
