dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
