i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
