Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
