it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize