Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
