Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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