sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
