Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize