You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
