he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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