i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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