We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
