I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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