dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
