I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
