I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
