I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
