Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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