She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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