Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
is it fun? or sober?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
