So drunk its hurt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
