We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
