i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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