Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
