the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
