Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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