seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
