Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
