Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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