i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i drank out of a bidet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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