i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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