I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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