I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
