i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
