Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you win again, gameday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
