oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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