so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
