i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
